the best gifts for birthmoms

My second most memorable phone call, as a birthmom, came on a random December day. “What are you doing on February 5th?” It was my firstborn … “That’s almost two months away, nothing that I can think of.” She didn’t hesitate, “Great, now you have plans. You can come pick me up from the airport! Mom and dad said it was okay, I thought it would be a good Christmas gift!” It wasn’t a good Christmas gift … it was a great one!

I’m asked to share my best birthmom gift ideas every year and I always break it into two categories: materialistic and sentimental. This year, in an effort to make it easier + earn a small commission for the time I invest, I opened an Amazon storefront and curated a list of birthmom gift ideas! Some are obvious, like the digital photo frame you can add to from anywhere, along with a more budget friendly option, a picture frame that records a message. But I also suggest more practical items like throw blankets and cozy socks … items that are regularly used and can help loved ones feel close during the time you’re apart. Below I’ve shared a bit of backstory or explanation for each item I’ve included (both physical and experience based) because at the end of the day, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Just a quick refresher because someone unfamiliar with adoption always asks  (and that’s okay, it’s how we learn) … but a birthmom is someone who has placed a child for adoption. 

• Buy a   cutsie planner, pre-plan a fun visit, write it in, and bookmark the date! Birthmom’s in open adoption relationships typically look forward to the next visit, having a specific date + plan to countdown to will be a special gift.

• Schedule a professional photo shoot with birthmom. Take plenty of family portraits but also ask the photographer to grab some shots of her and her birth child together. If birthmom is parenting other children, be sure to include them as well, sibling bonds (and photos) are so special.

• Connected from a distance? There are so many sweet options to help bridge the gap. A few favorites are digital photo frames  that allow multiple people to upload photos to the frame through an app. There are also friendship lamps that light up at the other person's home when you touch them, and love note boxes that allow you to send short messages from anywhere in the world. Need something less techie ... this pocket hug makes a perfect pocket fidget while serving as a daily reminder. For the first 15 years post placement my updates came once a year in the mail ... technology has changed, the conversation around preserving biological relationships has changed ... so much has changed and these are great tools to help stay connected despite how many miles are between you.

• Fill in the blanks can be an inexpensive, intentional and treasured gift. You can grab my free Get To Know Me download and add to it with something like the I wrote a book about you, fill in the blank hardcover book.

• Print a book of photos (even if you already send digital copies). Call me old fashioned but thumbing through printed photos is superior to scrolling a screen and yet we seem to let all our images collect on a device these days. Physical copies (neatly arranged in a book) is a worthwhile gift. This reminds me, I need to update our chatbooks!

• A recordable frame allows your child to record a special short message, which is a really special bonus to a framed photo. If they aren’t talking, you can record giggles or baby babbling too! Any little voice recording will undoubtably be a well loved gift.

• A stuffed animal with a recording for sibling(s) that live with birthmom. When my girls were tiny we took a trip to build-a-bear during one yearly visit. My firstborn recorded an "I love you” message that was sewn into the paw of a teddy bear and it became Taylan’s most treasured gift. She pressed it’s paw until it wouldn’t play anymore … which caused a lot of tears, so my suggestion is to record a backup and tuck it away so that you can replace it when the time comes!

• Send the artwork, handwriting sheets etc. As a parenting mom I’ve thrown away my fair share of scribbles, paintings, and drawings … but I’ve kept even more. The art my firstborn’s mama would mail me spent time on our walls and fridge then was safely tucked away with her little sister’s artwork I keep in an art portfolio binder but this artwork frame is a really neat option to display and store kids' art!

• A self-care basket   of high quality items. Honestly, I’d appreciate a heartfelt letter more than another mass produced gift basket … I’m looking at you Walmart gift set aisle. A well done gift basket can easily cost $100 or more and if that’s not in your budget, I get it, but if it is, I’ve made it a bit easier to piece together a mindful low-tox self care set. So whether you want to curate the perfect spa at home day or a rest + relax collection, I've got you covered.

• Fund a spot for birthmom at a retreat … it doesn’t have to be a birthmom specific retreat, but something that will help fill her cup. I know it will take away the surprise factor but it should probably be discussed beforehand so you can best meet her needs. And if she happens to need a birthmoms only retreat, I host them!

• A favorite book, devotional, or bible. No doubt you have your favorites, but if you need some ideas, I have a growing booklist on my Amazon storefront!

• Save some old onesies and have them turned into a keepsake, like a memory blanket … or DIY it if that happens to be your skillset. If not, no worries, just search "keepsakes from old baby clothes" on Pinterest or "keepsake quilt" online. You can also ask around and find a sweet grandma who sews and commission her to make a stuffed animal, throw pillow or quilt from those special pieces of clothes. I've been saving onesies and t-shirts since my girls were tiny and plan to have them each a quilt made before they move out.

• Start a special tradition together! It doesn’t have to be elaborate, just intentional and consistent. Maybe you go out for hot cocoa and sledding the day after Christmas, or you get together to make homemade ornaments the week before … or maybe distance is a challenge and you have a special FaceTime call to read a book together on Christmas eve. The possibilities are endless.

• A recordable book ... even though it will be given to your child, it will mean so much that you asked her to do it. I am obsessed with all the recordable options if you can't tell!

• Personalized gifts with names, initials, birth flowers birth stones etc. Some moms may feel a little more private and prefer roman numerals,  initials, or even birth flowers and stones to a name ... it's okay to ask.

• Plan a ‘first’ experience together. Birthmoms miss a lot of those so intentionally creating one is special. Obviously you can’t predict first steps but first time ice skating, first ballet, first time trying a special treat. I missed so many firsts, including all the dances … except one. I had the pleasure of taking the photos of my daughter’s first prom and I’ll forever be grateful to have been invited into that experience.

• Practical, daily use items that will serve as a reminder of your love. A cozy blanket, comfy socks, a cutting board with “I love you” engraved in your child’s handwriting. The goal in this is not to give excessive stuff but something that is truly useful. If you know her interests it can help tremendously. Someone who loves to cook might appreciate an heirloom cast iron skillet, someone who loves the outdoors might love a nice hammock. Get to know her enough to know what would add a little extra joy to her life!

I could keep going but every single idea can be summed up in one question; if the roles were reversed, what would you want most?